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SUMMARY: A week's worth of entries in Eliot's journal.
RATING: PG-13 (for language)
SPOILERS: Set during the events of "The Boiler Room Job" so, you know, spoilers for that.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Written for leverageland's Dear Diary Challenge. Pure silliness. Props to Mr. Sus for helping me out with Eliot's workouts and for suggesting the ping pong line. Special thanks to sigrundora for the awesome banner!






A Week in the Life of Eliot Spencer


SUNDAY

Workout: Bag work + hill sprints x20.
New client briefing today. Nate was drunk and Hardison was annoying, blah blah blah, the usual. No one needed me to punch anyone, so I left early. Made myself coq au vin for dinner, took a bubble bath, read four chapters of A Brief History of Time. Not a bad day.
Bad guys fought: 0.
Injuries sustained: Paper cut.
Hair: Frizzy. Wore a knit cap to hide it. Note to self: try John Frieda Frizz-Ease hairspray per Sophie’s recommendation.

MONDAY

Workout: Squats (315x10x3), power cleans (250x3x5), bench (275x5x3).
I think Parker tried to lick me today. WTF? Had to dress up as a janitor for the con again. Managed to look rugged and manly, despite ugly glasses and coveralls. Ended up standing around bored most of the day, hoping someone would need punching. Almost thought I was gonna get to rip a guy’s lungs out, but Nate wouldn’t let me. Typical. Bright side: only wanted to choke Hardison twice. Made myself boeuf bourguignon for dinner, took a bubble bath, finished A Brief History of Time.
Bad guys fought: 0. Disappointing.
Hair: Hat head from janitor’s cap. Not my best look.

TUESDAY

Workout: Jump rope + hill sprints x20.
Flew to Ecuador. Read all of In Search of Lost Time on the plane. Bought a machete. Hooked up with a hot Ecuadoran chick I met at the hotel bar. Muy caliente!
Bad guys fought: 0 (the hot chick’s brother was giving me the stink-eye for a while, but it didn’t pan out).
Injuries sustained: Scratches up and down my back. Hell yeah!
Hair: Pretty awesome. That John Frieda shit really works.

WEDNESDAY

Workout: Shadow boxing + burpees x100.
Trekked through the rainforest dressed as Indiana Jones and looked awesome doing it. The mark would not fucking shut up about sharks, though. Someone watches way too much Discovery. Ate a still-beating snake heart (tasted like chicken, btw). Seriously, Sophie gets to eat chocolate for the con and I’m eating a snake heart? Fuck my life. Bright side: hooked up with hot chick’s even hotter sister.
Bad guys fought: 1 if you count the snake.
Injuries sustained: Misc. mosquito bites.
Hair: It was a fucking rainforest, so frizzy as hell despite new hairspray. Rocked it in my fedora, though.

THURSDAY

Workout: 10 mile run.
Flight didn’t leave until the afternoon, so I decided to depose a corrupt cabinet minister to pass the time. Arranged for him to be unseated by a political scandal, then fomented democracy among some agrarian laborers just for kicks. Both hot sisters cried at the airport when I left. Read Kafka on the Shore on the plane ride home. Good day.
Bad guys fought: 0. Ecuadorians are oddly non-confrontational.
Hair: Wore the fedora again. Just because.

FRIDAY

Workout: Squats (315x10x3), press (185x5x3), deadlift (405x5).
Hardison hugged me this morning when I got in. Pretended not to like it. Later, caught Parker trying to lick me again. Is she hitting on me? Finished up the con and took the mark down. Swindled him out all his money, gift-wrapped him for the FBI, blah, blah, blah, the usual. Disconcerting shortage of punching involved in this con, if you ask me. Afterwards, Nate and Sophie finally admitted to everyone that they’re knocking boots. Totally called that months ago. Note to self: Hardison owes me $50. Hooked up with one of the mark’s former victims. Pretty hot, maybe an 8.
Bad guys fought: 1. About damn time!
Injuries sustained: Split lip.
Hair: Looking good.

SATURDAY

Workout: Sparring + grappling work with some of the guys at the gym.
Bought a new flat iron per Sophie’s recommendation. Did laundry. Weeded the garden. Started reading Being and Time. Made the team seared mahi mahi with chermoula, lemon beurre blanc and white quinoa-vegetable salad for dinner. Beat Hardison at ping pong. He’s my bitch. Very good day.
Bad guys fought: 0.
Injuries sustained: Small bruise where Parker pinched me. Seriously, is she hitting on me??
Hair: Fucking fantastic. New flat iron is a godsend. Note to self: buy Sophie a present.

Comments

( 34 comments — Leave a comment )
kiss_me_cassie
Sep. 19th, 2011 11:38 pm (UTC)
Hey, Eliot uses John Frieda just like me! and it does work. *g*
hannasus
Sep. 19th, 2011 11:54 pm (UTC)
I know! Cause I use it too!
mystizan
Sep. 20th, 2011 01:00 am (UTC)
dahahahah this was u? Lovely! I voted for it.
hannasus
Sep. 20th, 2011 03:01 am (UTC)
Thanks!
astridv
Sep. 20th, 2011 08:55 am (UTC)
rofl. The Hair! Hehehe.
hannasus
Sep. 20th, 2011 03:09 pm (UTC)
Glad you liked it!
havocthecat
Sep. 20th, 2011 02:02 pm (UTC)
I love that Eliot and Sophie trade hair tips!
hannasus
Sep. 20th, 2011 03:10 pm (UTC)
Thanks for reading!
mcamy
Sep. 20th, 2011 03:16 pm (UTC)
Hysterical.
hannasus
Sep. 20th, 2011 03:22 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
chasingtides
Sep. 20th, 2011 04:09 pm (UTC)
I love it - especially the food and hair products.
hannasus
Sep. 20th, 2011 05:57 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I always imagine the on-set stylist must work like a dog to keep his hair smooth in the Portland humidity, so I figured I'd have some fun with it.
chasingtides
Sep. 21st, 2011 12:46 am (UTC)
I have freak hair - it reacts better in humidity than dry air, but you're probably right. Keeping it smooth and fluffy must take at least as much time as keeping Beth's hair in place with her jumps and dives.
hannasus
Sep. 21st, 2011 03:22 am (UTC)
I've noticed Kane's hair always curls up during fight scenes when he's sweating. And whenever he's in a scene outside on cloudy days he tends to get major frizz. It's possible I spend too much time staring at his hair. ;)

What I wouldn't give for your hair! I look like Gilda Radner in the humidity down here. Ah, but when I go to L.A. or Colorado or anywhere dry? Heavenly and smooth.
badfalcon
Sep. 20th, 2011 04:24 pm (UTC)
LMAO oh my god this is awesome. Even better is that I actually ended up reading it in Eliot's voice!
hannasus
Sep. 20th, 2011 05:58 pm (UTC)
Yay! Glad you liked it!
elebridith
Sep. 20th, 2011 05:25 pm (UTC)
LOL!!! Love the hair tips exchanges, and love the choice of books Eliot reads! No dumb muscle, our man!
hannasus
Sep. 20th, 2011 05:59 pm (UTC)
That Eliot, he's just a bundle of contradictions. That's part of the reason we love him! ;)
andrea_ze
Sep. 20th, 2011 07:44 pm (UTC)
nice...like it.
hannasus
Sep. 21st, 2011 03:11 am (UTC)
Thank you!
elzed
Sep. 20th, 2011 09:25 pm (UTC)
*adores*
Love his choice of reading (although two days to read a Brief History of Time and a plane ride to zip through seven huge volumes? Eliot, I think you're cheating here), and his obsession with his hair (that has to be canon). And the cooking. And the deposing of corrupt cabinet ministers to pass the time.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
hannasus
Sep. 21st, 2011 03:14 am (UTC)
Seven huge volumes of Proust, no less! It's possible our Eliot is a speed reader. Or else I may have engaged in some hyperbole. Nah, he's just that good. ;)
louisiane_fille
Oct. 14th, 2011 01:56 am (UTC)
The comments about his hair made me LMAO.
hannasus
Oct. 18th, 2011 03:43 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
smiley_face86
Jan. 16th, 2012 05:51 am (UTC)
So I decided to search the net for some Leverage fic after watching the finale tonight and the first thing I come across is your hilariously fantastic story. It is absolutely perfect. I laughed out loud frequently.
hannasus
Feb. 8th, 2012 04:22 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm happy you liked it!
sandalaris
Jan. 19th, 2012 01:17 am (UTC)
I absolutely loved the lines about Parker's various antics maybe being her hitting on Eliot. In small part to my just thinking that I could see Parker trying to lick someone just minutes before I stumbled across this fic. :) And also slightly in part to my inner E/P shipper.
Loved the little look at Eliot's journal.
hannasus
Feb. 8th, 2012 04:23 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much!
barcardivodka
Feb. 21st, 2012 08:33 pm (UTC)
Seriously? How did I miss this fic? Bloody fantastic.

Love it :)
hannasus
Feb. 24th, 2012 12:52 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! :D
aurora_novarum
Sep. 12th, 2012 08:55 pm (UTC)
Came from gabolonge's rec. This was absolutely hilarious! I love your Eliot character voice.
hannasus
Sep. 13th, 2012 04:48 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
jbmcdragon
Oct. 2nd, 2012 04:06 pm (UTC)
I loved this so much I sent it to my girlfriend to read... and she doesn't read fic... and she laughed so hard she called me on the phone to read bits to me out loud. ;)

J
prochytes
Sep. 16th, 2015 04:04 pm (UTC)
This was delightful. I particularly liked Eliot's decision to overthrow a corrupt government official because he was bored.
( 34 comments — Leave a comment )

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