CHARACTERS/PAIRING: Ensemble
SUMMARY: The mysterious bundle writhed and wriggled in a distinctly unsettling manner, emitting a series of unidentifiable, but clearly inhuman noises.
RATING: PG
WARNINGS: None
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Written for leverageland's Pros & Cons Challenge. For another part of the challenge, everyone was asked to pick one of the fics and made a movie-style poster for it. With kind permission of the artists, I've included the posters that were made for this fic at the end.




The Pig in a Poke Job

Everyone gaped.

“I got it!” Parker declared triumphantly as she maneuvered a large burlap sack onto the counter. The mysterious bundle writhed and wriggled in a distinctly unsettling manner, emitting a series of unidentifiable, but clearly inhuman noises.

No one wanted to be the one to ask.

“Um...” Hardison finally ventured. “Parker? What … what the hell’s that?”

“It’s the pig,” she said. “You know, for the pig in poke.”

There was a subtle murmur of relief. Not that a pig was good, exactly, but it was far better than some of the possibilities they’d all been considering, like for instance a bobcat, or a skunk, or a badger.

“Yeah,” Nate said. “Um, the thing is, in this case the pig’s kind of like a metaphor, not like a real pig.”

“It’s like the fiddle game,” Eliot told her. “You don’t actually use a fiddle.”

Parker frowned. “But when we did the fiddle game there was a fiddle.”

“Well, yes,” Sophie said. “But in that case the fiddle wasn’t the fiddle, Hardison was the fiddle.”

“I don’t understand,” Parker said. “You mean we don’t need a pig?”

“No,” Hardison said gently. “No pigs.”

She stuck her lower lip out in a pout. “But it’s so cute. Can I keep it? Please?”

“Absolutely not,” Nate said.

“But I named her Sophie!”

Sophie looked stricken. “You named a pig after me?”

Eliot snickered. Nate shot him a warning look.

“I was going to name it Eliot but it’s a girl,” Parker explained. “You can’t name a girl pig Eliot, that’s mean.”

Eliot stopped smiling and Hardison had to bite his lip to keep from laughing out loud.

Nate shook his head. “Just … get rid of it, okay, Parker? It can’t stay here.”

“Unless you want me to make it into pork chops,” Eliot grumbled.

“No!” Parker gathered the bundle protectively into her arms. “It’s okay, Sophie,” she cooed as she carried it out the door. “I’ll find a good place for you to live. And in the meantime I bet you’ll be very happy camping out in Lucille.”

“What?!” Hardison yelped, chasing after her. “Nuh uh. Not my Lucille. No, you do not! Parker!”


Poster art by lemonpunch, melpomenethemis, alinaandalion, scout_lover, icequeen3101, and me.