And it's Beyonce performance #2. Somewhere, Minnie Driver is hurling a bottle of Bushmills at her television. Um, what's with the creepy monkey? Some kind of Phantom reference I take it? Yes, you've found me out, I'm a Phantom virgin. And I plan to keep it that way, thank you very much. Abstinence is the answer when it comes to Andrew Lloyd Webber, I always say.

And another horrendous crash while Jeremy Irons presents from the aisle. Good to know things are running smoothly off camera.

Ohhhhhh, Kate Winslet. So pretty. Amazing blue dress. I'm so distracted by her beauty I can't even tell what category she's presenting.