YAAAAAYYYYY!!!! Charlie Kaufman wins for Eternal Sunshine!!!! And look how happy Kate is! Bliss.

We're coming down to the wire now, and Chris Rock is looking a bit frazzled. Not such a funny man when Gil Cates is screaming into your earpiece, are you?

Jamie Foxx wins. What a surprise. Everyone's so happy. Even Clint Eastwood looks mildly pleased. Oh god, don't do the HEEEYYYYY! OOOOOHHHHH! thing again, Jamie. Please. Yeah, he's doing it again. Oh, but look how cute his daughter is. They're not playing Jamie off the stage, though, are they? That's because even Gil Cates has to reach for a hankie when Jamie starts talkin' 'bout his gramma.

And now Scorsese's losing to Clint Eastwood. For a boxing movie. Oh, sweet irony. Good lord, Clint's momma's still alive.

Um, is Streisand pregnant? No? Then don't rest your hands above your stomach when you're wearing a dress cut like that. And now Million Dollar Baby is winning best picture. Whew, we're nearly there and it looks like my 13 minutes over guess isn't gonna be too far off.

Well, that was... sorta fun, but neither as bad nor as good as it coulda been. Peace out, ya'll.